For years, I remember losing my soul to spreadsheets, even though I worked in a creative industry there is nothing creative about a spreadsheet - no matter the formatting! Sometimes I caught myself zoning out, staring through the screen and day dreaming about my new life. Freedom, flexibility, and being able to live abroad for half the year for health reasons (UK winters are not kind!). Then suddenly back in the room, I remembered where I was and my heart sank.
The negative self chatter on repeat from the brain radio; pull yourself together, you can’t leave your job, you’ve got too much going for you, you won’t make it out there - you need to be tough, you’re too sensitive (don’t even get me started on that one!). People like you may be driven and determined to succeed but how can you, you’ve got too much emotional baggage you’re carting around.
For years I felt the odd one out, and continuously questioned myself, with people saying, why can’t you just be happy and satisfied with your blessed life, why can’t you sit down and watch TV and be content with your lot. Plenty of people would give their right arm for what you’ve got. Nobody understood, and they compounded my own doubts.
What I’ve learnt and want to share;
This does not justify giving up on your dreams. I wondered about whether I could, the how and the where for years - until I reached the point of ENOUGH. I knew I had more in me to give, how could I put up and shut up when I was miserable in my own life. Hello, self love / self kindness…PRACTICE it.
Get clear on how you want to live your life, not exist in it, no more sacrificing it for work, but actually LIVING it. What do you want, if you know this isn’t what you want?
I am no different to you, I had an inner knowing I was meant to have a more fulfilling career, and work on my terms, where I didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving, even after staying behind an extra 2-3 hours a day - consistently!
Process any pain from the past - the majority of us have gone through immense pain and heartache that has layered us in emotional baggage. Work thorough it and come out the other side, clear the debris and make way for the new, even though it will be tough.
Belief in yourself, like no one else, be persistent and reach for your dreams :)